Thing #257 I don’t recommend doing while driving: cutting your bangs.
Ye be wearin' clean underweaaaaarrrr??
C: I changed my Facebook language to "Pirate".
Me: I heard something about that option, but I couldn't find it. How do I do it?
C: Scroll to the bottom left.
Me: AVAST, ME HEARTY!
C: Got it?
C: I was born in the month o' Arrrrgust.
Me: After yer mum had a bottle o' rum?
C: Uh, oh ...
Me: I just prodded ye with me daggerrrrrr.
C: I just added 3 hours to Valerie's daily Facebook time.
Me: It doesn't take much.
C: I know.
Me: They should come up with some other languages.
Me: "Detroit Hipster"
Me: "Detroit Gangsta"
Me: "Your Mom"
C: "You never call! You never write on my wall!"